I promised more posts… and hey… you at least get two this month (so far!).

I’m busy again… I find idle hands and idle minds tend to get me in trouble. 

I love caked yarn.  The above yarn I’m using to make a fair isle hat.  I’ve just finished the ribbing and am starting on the pattern.  It’s kind of fun, but I think I much prefer patterns rather than colorwork.

I’m also working on my first cabled mitts.

Cables look intimidating, but are very easy and fun.  It’s nice seeing the little snakey cable appear and form.

Life right now is a mixed bag.  Turtle continues to struggle with his handwriting and we recently took him back to the occupational therapist for a re-evaluation.

It’s been determined that he needs to do everything on the computer.  His muscles are just not there in his hands.  We keep asking if this will ever get better, but get no answer.  Other motor skills have improved, just not the fine ones.  We still need to continue to build muscle mass in the upper body.

I believe he gets this from my side of the family. 

We got this news last week, and also got the news that he will be competing in a county speech competition because he won for his grade at his school.  The speech subject was “My Favorite thing” and naturally he spoke on football.

This is a wonderful thing not just because he won, but also because he just finished speech therapy in October.  There always seems to be a protective coating over him.  You can never count him down and out.

So that’s it.  I’m really tired.  Just staying busy with the house, the dogs, the family, job, etc.  But everything is really good. 

I don’t know about you guys, but I didn’t even give 2009 a goodbye kiss… I kicked it in it’s ass and sent it packing.

What a horrible year. 

And not just for me - in comparison to others, my problems were small.

I had friends lose their jobs… lose their houses… and lose loved ones.

2009 was a year where I learned a lot about me, a lot about my friends and a lot about what showing character in the face of challenges and trouble means.  I couldn’t have made it through this year without the help of my family and friends - and I hope that I was there for them as well when they needed me. 

So f-you 2009. 

2010 is all ready my new favorite. 

I’ve been busy - Turtle is keeping me hopping and we are dealing with another ‘motor skill’ development issue, which I will blog about soon.

I’ve got a trip to Chicago planned for Broad’s 40th - don’t go near my facebook page when I’m there (roughly the last weekend in January).  I’m not responsible for the content - which will probably have something to do with Gumballhead beer.

I’ve been cooking, organizing, and knitting.  I also just got a sewing machine which excites me because now I can really start up with my quilting. 

So before Christmas, I made my mom some socks:

A shawl for me:

A birthday/Christmas in lieu of socks cowl for Broad:

A scarf for my brother:

Hats for my sister and niece:

I still owe Tommy, my dad, and Turner something.

Turner would like mittens made out of his own yarn.

It is his yarn!  See…

My goals for this year:

Continue to learn the crafts of knitting, quilting, cooking, and baking.  Four things that after a day sitting in front of a computer, attending meetings, and writing project plans, I truly ENJOY. 

Continue to shop on the outside of the grocery store.  Turner and I did such a good job of this this past year, we ate so many fresh fruits and veggies.  This year, I’d like to try to start my own garden.  We’ll see… not sure if I can keep Sharkey out of it.

Give back to my friends and family that were so good to me this year.  I have party plans for my Memphis friends, and visits to all of my out of townies.  I know I’ll be in Chicago several times this year, and also will be in Boston for a sox game or two.  Hope to also make it to Orlando for some time with Colleen and her crew.

Take care of myself.  Truth is, I hadn’t been taking very good care of myself for the past couple of years - on a mental and physical level.  The latter part of this year I started getting my groove back.  In fact one day during a Saturday lunch, Kel looked at me and said “You’re back.  Thank gawd.”

Continue to make new friends.  I met a lot of cool people this past year through traveling, cooking, knitting and spending tons of money in yarn stores. 

Blog more.  I sort of fell out of the habit.  I will say that I won’t be blogging so much about personal things on here anymore.  Maybe some stuff about Turner, but if you want to know more about what’s going on in my world, you’ll have to friend me on facebook. 

So that’s it… a very quick blog post to let you know that I’m still alive and still here…

Well hello… where did the month of October go?

Most of it - for me went to travel and November is shaping up to be a travel heavy month as well. 

So much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin. 

My cousin got married on the 9th.  That was a circus.  For real.  With elephants and everything.  I mean… please tell me… what bride goes out the night before her wedding, gets sloppy drunk, and manages to get kicked out of a bar?  Yeah that bride would be my cousin.  (And don’t get me started on how impressive and impossible it is to get kicked out of a bar in NEW ORLEANS).  I think I posted pictures from that whirlwind trip on my flickr account.  I have so many tales to tell from that fiasco I might just have to save it for future blog fodder.

Last week, I flew up to New Hampshire for my job, but ended up seeing Bea and going to Salem (I don’t think I have put those pictures up yet).  It was SO SO SO nice to see her again.  I feel like I lost contact with my friends over the past two years.  It’s been a relief to reconnect and reach out only to find that they are still there waiting for me to come out of my fog. 

For those of you that remember from the old blog days, I am growing my hair back out.  NEVER, I repeat, NEVER cut your hair at the request of someone else.  I look back on how long my hair had gotten and I get ill with this soccer mom haircut I have now.  Next month, I’m going to Chicago to have it cut and colored by an awesome husband/wife team at Bang Bang.  Broad will be my hostess, but hopefully I will catch up with Wad, Em, and Z as well.  I can’t believe my little Chicago group o’pals is growing.  Lots of M-towners making the switch.  I keep telling myself “one of these days...” I don’t know that my little family of southern birds would be able to adjust to the winters.  (Heck it’s 55 outside right now and I’m chilled.  Such a wimp).

What else… what else… Oh… I’ve been knitting.  With really… really… fabulous yarn from The Loopy Ewe.  (And if you are so inclined here’s my wishlist.  No seriously… I won’t mind.  I love gifts - especially those that involve yarn).

Here’s a sock that I just finished for my aunt (and I’ve made good progress on the second one - hope to finish that one tonight).  It was knitted out of Fleece Artist Sea Wool.  You can’t tell from the picture, but it has a tiny bit of shine to it.  It’s a great yarn.

I’m also working on Wad’s socks.  He chose the Trekking XXL and it’s a good workhorse fiber.

Wad has freakishly wide feet so I had to order another skein.  I’m also knitting his on two circulars.  I learned this method at a yarn store in Mississippi, Hank of Yarn from a really cool gal named Laura.  She teaches quite a few classes there, so I suggest you look her up.  I’m thinking of taking another one this Saturday.

I’m starting to be a snob about what I knit with though - and going along with that, have found a few indie dyers that I’m fans of.

Check out some of these skeins:

Tempted Yarns in Boop-oop-de-oop.  I’m using this yarn to knit a pair of socks for my wild bride cousin - that is, as long as she doesn’t piss me off with her antics before Christmas. 

This is a skein from Fiber Optic that I have no plans for - YET.

And lastly, this skein came from Yarn PIrate.  I love Georgia’s colorways - this one was called Cranberries and Ice.

So that’s it really.  We’re headed into the holidays so my baking and knitting and house projects are at a feverish pace.  Too bad I have to deal with that little thing called “a job”.

But … there are too many things to update. 

First of all - I’m on Ravelry these days (username is Catraggedy - you can find me) and have been updating my projects and yarn stash.  Since I’ve been taking a sock class, I have had friends and family asking for pairs and I don’t mind really.  The socks are challenging and it gives me something else to concentrate on.

I’ve been working on a scarf for Cece with the yarn that I got at the Chicago farmer’s market.  It knits really well and is soft.

I’m knitting in a loop pattern.

Also - I’ve started socks for my mom using some Opal yarn.

And I’m starting a hat for cousin Joe with this yarn:

Turtle is about ready to get his cast off… I’ve been cooking as usual… Sharkey continues to grow into a beast… And New Orleans is in just about two and a half weeks. 

Have I covered everything?  Why does this time of year seem to just take off - we hit September and then all of a sudden I’m looking at NYE.

I was talking to Broad tonight who is struggling with her own demons right now (demons that make me want to reach through my iphone and squeeze her) and we start talking about depression - a disease that I have suffered from and that she suffers from and quite frankly the vast majority of my friends probably suffer from - whether diagnosed or not.

I’ve joked on here about the cynical state of my being over the past few months - and maybe that’s a coping mechanism for when I start to circle the drain of depression and believe me, I’m circling.  It’s out there… waiting for me.  Hiding behind the corner and thinking about jumping out and taking me over.  I know this feeling.  Sometimes certain things will trigger it - this time, there is absolutely no reason.  Truth be known, my life is pretty great right now.  I’ve got fantastic friends - my family is about to all be together at my cousin’s wedding.  I’ve got Mark and Turner who make me laugh.  I’m traveling and going to places I’ve never been to before.  Sounds pretty great right?  Yeah… so why I have been spending a lot of my time self-loathing, which leads to pity… which goes back to my hating myself.... and honestly - I hate this bullshit, but here it comes anyway.

The depression is always bad, but sometimes it’s REALLY bad.  When I’m going through this, I hate myself to the point that it exhausts me. My mind is filled with “Shut up… no one cares about you… you’re stupid and ugly and everyone just wishes you would shut your trap.” Which could totally be true, but that’s depression talking. It makes me irritable at first, and then when it gets bad, it makes me want to sleep all day. I remember thinking once, during a really bad spell, that maybe it would be okay if I just laid down on the sofa and didn’t move - for about a week.

Several years ago, during one downturn, I was talking to my dad when I suddenly just stopped and started sobbing and told him that I’d been thinking about ending my life.  SERIOUSLY.  ME.  And I remember my dad was like “Well, why don’t you just volunteer at the humane shelter.  You like dogs.” And I can hear you right now… such an insensitive response!  And yeah, I guess maybe you could read it that way… But the part of me that is like my dad (which honestly is about 95% of me) thought “You know what… that’s not a half bad idea”

Because it’s taking the focus off of me… It’s becoming less self-absorbed… it’s putting my energy towards another living being instead of thinking about why my mere mortal existence is the reason behind global warming.  I mean… am I right?  You got a job, a house, a car… Walk it off Cat… Stop bitching and just wait it out.

And that’s pretty much how I handle this disease.

I’ve seen a few therapists over the past several years. I think therapy could help everyone a little, but it’s not a cure. Six months ago, I stopped taking anti-depressants.  Weaned myself off and just told myself that I wanted to FEEL things again.  I wanted myself back.  I realize that lots of people take anti-depressants and I don’t judge them.  I get the argument that if I had high blood pressure or diabetes that I would be on medication to deal with that and those are diseases too.  It’s just not for me. 

I’m not exactly sure why I’m writing about this here.  Maybe because it’s not a big deal, it’s sort of just part of my life. Plus, I feel like it’s part of why I haven’t been writing, and it’s easier just to write about that then to try and come up with a post. I guess I owe you some totally inappropriate jokes, internet.

Anyway, I’m not depressed yet. Maybe it’ll skip me this month. If it does show up, I’ll bite down on some tree bark and just wait it out. That’s what I do.  I am strong, hear me roar. 

I am okay. I am loved. But people probably do wish I would shut my trap.